I always thought that my first re-posting to tumblr would be dramatic and create a huge spectacle that would set the foundations of future thoughts. Yet i find myself in need of posting something much less awe inducing than what i have had in mind. And that which is in need of posting of course, like many posts to come, comes in the form of a girl.

I cannot think of a clever segue so i suppose i should just jump right in and say the rest of what i need to say later. I’m sure I’ll enjoy that very much. But i never could understand what it was her that always intrigued me. Was it the fact that she appeared to be intrigued in me? Or was it that she was different? Different in ways i always thought relations with would remain a fantasy or something that could never be. Whatever it was it drives me crazy! And not in that way where you’re pulling your hair out by the roots driving your nails into your scalp, but in a more subtle way where you just can’t stop thinking about her. That gentle but annoying mental nudges that would remain persistent despite any new attractive meetings or interesting encounters with other females. There is always that nudge in the back of your head that would remind you, “hey, you haven’t forgotten about her have you? What are you stupid? Look at her man! She’s fuckin’ bangin’ bro! Not to mention she’s fucking stunning to listen to as well as look at! Brains ‘n’ beauty! What the fuck else you lookin for dumbass?” And yes i often talk to myself like this in my head. Another reason as to why i am a gemini. But that is another story and belief deserving of a more detailed post. Although i suppose that is another thing to be considered, or at least another consideration i also took into account. Believing in astrological profiles makes the creation and the avoidance of the destruction of relationships a lot easier in my opinion. There are always those who end up together which baffle the astrological odds, but i have yet to meet a perfect couple with signs not meant to be together. And with that i suppose the answer comes in the form of the age old answer of love wins all. Or forced love that comes out of necessity. But again i digress. The reason as to why i brought that up is, yes i am a creeper, i discovered her sign and the compatibility between our signs is less than encouraging. In fact it disheartens me greatly. And the last time i decided to “follow the heart” and trust in us rather than an astrological theory, i became someone who i have not yet forgiven and am still suffering from their escapades. Yet i cannot resist!

I find that there are others who follow attraction on what i like to refer to as the “penis compass” and that i would never have admitted that i have one of my own. Yet as the days pass i cannot help but confess that i also have a compass. Yet I’d like to think of it in a different sense. Where some may go about with a “penis compass” i go forth with a “heart compass.” I fall in love harder and faster than I’d care to admit and in a sense i fall out of love harder and faster as well. So am i any better than the one night standers? Where they may hurt with sexual encounters i do just as much or even more so with emotional ones.

Now i do not know how this got from a girl to my views on relationships but there are key elements that must be related. If i were to advance on this girl there are enough problems to make one wary of the situation before advances were even made. And for this i worry. I like her. I like her a lot. Yet how will i feel about her later? :(