Ok i know this is a lame title but shut the hell up, thats not the point. But, here we are again my friend. Another day, another girl that you just cant get out of your head. So lets get this dream out of you quick instead of trying to make chronological sense in your blog! You know you never think in that fashion anyway, scatter brain! lol I think this helps too, the whole talking thing. Or excuse me, blogging as if you were talking to someone, or at least hearing someone, i dunno… anyway! dream! Ok, well i cant remember most of it but the first thing i remember is waking up in this house which seemed like it just had a huge party in it. Remnants of good times scattered everywhere, empty beer cans, the smell of regret EVERYWHERE lol believe me it was everywhere. But yeah woke up in the morning in this scene and i think this was supposed to be at sarah lawrence although strange as it is it reminded me of auburn. Maybe this is what my brain associates with a “house party” and because of the key figures involved in this dream, meshed together with sarah lawrence. Anywhosie, andrew was there and thats pretty much the only other real person that i can remember being there besides her. We were up and about in the morning recooperating and she just walks into the kitchen. Im sitting on the floor and the just walks right in, taking those long legged strides you know she takes. It really is a spectacle to watch someone and identify there very movements with this person. The way they walk is a very good example. And theyll never see themselves the way that you see them right there, as they are. Fun little tangent there. But she walked into the kitchen and started making breakfast, or so it looked like. And i know every detail is very important so let me include the dream thought that it was under my impression that somewhere in the dream we had already had breakfast of some kind and she was not present for it. I do not know why, yet i cannot help but feel that if she wanted to make an appearance, she could have. But shes busy making her own breakfast, for herself, and shes just the most awesome thing ever. Why did i call her a thing? Hm, well talk about that later. But she was wearing these comfy looking pajama pants with just a simple t-shirt with these huge hello kitty headphones on, never making eye contact with anyone as she made her food. I know this doesnt sound like the most appealing of people (called her a person here, make note) yet there would nothing that i would rather do than just go up and hug the shit out of her. You know? Just to feel her close. Itd be very nice. Yet as the dream continues, andrew, me, and whoever else were with make our leave and of course without her. The next thing i remember were driving away and i spot her walk into a coffee shop or bakery of some kind lifting up one hello kitty headphone to talk to someone on her phone. I dont know why but with that being the last thing i saw of her, all i felt, all i could think about me feeling was this feeling of longing. I longed for her lol as dumb as that sounds. And this feeling of longing only reminds me of that advice where everyone keeps telling you to stop being such a pussy and go after what you want! Just get up and do something about your situation if youre unhappy about it. Well, im afraid. And i dont know how. And i dont know why. This girl, just one of the best people i know. In all her essence she is just a good person, an incredible catch. Yet i dont know if i have settled with myself yet the idea of her being it. I know thats a stupid thing to be thinking about, yet shut the hell up its kind of hard not to. And if she isnt “the one” then youve already tried to extend that olive branch and see if anything was there, and look where it got you… OH OH OH you almost forgot! Mystique was in your dream too! And what is interesting is that after your non-verbal non-interaction rejection with Her, you quickly started hooking up with Mystique in the bathroom. With red boots bleeding along with what seemed like a skimpy red outfit into half of the bathtub. There were two square shaped tubs connected together to make a two parter bathtub. I dunno. But yeah you fuckin hooked up with Mystique! The mutant that can be anyone… what does that tell you freud?

1. You Create Your Own Life
You are not a victim. You are 100% responsible for the life you have right now. If you are unhappy, you have the power to change your attitude and actions to begin making your life better. Always remember, whether you think life sucks or you think life is great, either way, you’re right.

2. You Make Yourself Feel The Way You Feel
Ever notice how some people are able to brush off insults, while others get furious and start throwing punches? Realize that nobody can “make” you feel anything. You are the one that “chooses” to feel good or bad about a particular event or action that occurs.

3. Fake It Until You Make It
If you want to be more confident, happy, or positive, then “pretend” that you already are this way. Eventually, after practicing this long enough, you’ll realize that you’re no longer “pretending”.

4. Follow Your Purpose
A purpose is what you enjoy doing that you never get tired of and you will do for the rest of your life. Is your purpose to write screenplays? Is it to help sick people? Write down on index cards a list of purposes and choose the one that speaks to you the most.

5. Set Goals And Schedule Your Day
List out 5 to 10 goals that you want for your life. Break each goal up into smaller sub-goals and then break those sub-goals into individual tasks and action steps. Every night, plan the next day in advance. Create a daily “to-do list” with those tasks that you need to do to accomplish your goal.

6. Live In The Present
Regret and shame come from dwelling in the past. Worrying and anxiety come from living in the future. True peace of mind comes from living in the present. The more you become aware of being in the present, the more it becomes a part of your daily life.

7. The Power Of Attraction
The power of attraction is a powerful mental tool. The process works by focusing on something that you want while visualizing that you already have it. You then have a heightened level of awareness for recognizing opportunities that occur around you. These opportunities will then assist in bringing what you want into your physical reality.

8. Expand Your Comfort Zone
Your comfort zone (what you feel comfortable doing) is always in a state of either expanding or contracting. The more you get out in the world and do what you feel uncomfortable doing, the less inhibited you become, thereby allowing you to live a richer and fuller life.

9. Be Thankful For What You Have
Every morning before you start your day, give thanks and appreciation for what you have. It’s only when we are thankful for what we have that life gives us more blessings and abundance to be thankful for.

10. The Power Of Asking
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. It’s the reason that children ask their parents for the same thing over and over again, because they know mom and dad will eventually cave in. The same concept works in the real world. If there is something in the world you want, ask for it…or at least ask how to get it.

11. Learn From The Pros And Copy Them
Find the successful people in your field and ask them for advice. Ask them what they do to be successful, take notes, and then copy them. A lot of people think that the pros don’t want to share. The opposite is actually true. Most successful people are more that willing to share their knowledge if you ask them.

12. Ignore The Trolls
Trolls are people that will try to discourage you from your dreams. Don’t listen to them. Realize that the only reason they are doing it is because by seeing you chase after your dreams, it’s reminding them that they aren’t chasing theirs. Misery loves company.

For this is that day that i somehow pieced together a seemingly life long lesson, that i do not believe that i was previously following. And to get quick to the point and straight to the lesson it is that thought or memory can be seen as a thing. A very much real thing that you can almost physically hold. If you were to imagine yourself holding thought in your hands, in whatever form you can may choose, you would know the sensations of actually holding something that is soft and fluffy or hard and grainy, you would be able to describe the physical effect of the thought in its presence and in the very act of this thought process create a new thought. The very act of thinking about the physical traits of the thought can lead you to another thought OF thinking about the physical traits of a thought. Despite its confusing nature, and not to sound like the movie Inception with the dream within a dream thing, i believe that i have stumbled upon a rather deep and wise philosophy. I do not think that i am the first to come across this finding, but i am more than happy to implement it into my way of life. I think that this type of thinking will lead to a new and eventful lifestyle which will be full of good things. The thing that you must remember is that you must THINK before you do. With absolutely everything. Whatever you do, think before you speak or act or do anything outside of your own mind. With every last detail of you life you must think before you do anything else. You must be honest in your thoughts and clearly debate in your mind what it is you know and do not know. I believe the key to this thought process is that you must be completely and utterly honest with yourself. Truly consider every option you are aware of and be honest in the fact that you may not know something, at least with yourself if the situation calls for it. With everything you do weigh what you know and what you do not know. Then you may act upon the situation as calls for. Even if the situation is a thought process itself. You also know what is right and what is wrong, you have feelings about what right and wrong is despite what people have tried to teach you with their differing or even similar opinions. This is what makes you an individual. A person. A real thing. Another thing is that i fear that i will forget about this philosophy without meaning to. That i will subconsciously fall back into a lifestyle which to be quite honest i did not like too well. I feel that thinking like this can definitely fix things in my life which i feel need fixing. Pains which should not be felt and rewards i feel should be earned. I feel at times almost like my mind will not be able to handle so much thought; with all the processes passing through my mind why is my mind not exploding or at the very least be exhausted with all the thinking that is going on? I am afraid that my brain will simply tire and i will lose this philosophy forever. Yet somehow my brain keeps going and whenever my mind reaches this imaginary state of forgetfulness, the very act of thinking about it brings me right back.

A hypothesis as to how i started thinking about this is that earlier i consumed a whole lot of shrooms, or what i believe was an excess amount of shrooms. Isnt it kinda funny how youre supposed to see the universe while on shrooms and these are the types of thoughts i end up having?

So despite this train of thought in all its excess i do believe somewhere within the scramble is a deep and profound philosophy which i will try and hope to implement for the rest of my life. In complete honesty i hope to share this little morsel of thought to my friends and also desperately hope that they may fall upon the same discovery as i did, in its entirety. Which is that you must be, without fail, completely honest with yourself for as long as you live.

I need somebody to love.

I want to go sky diving. I can already feel the wind, the exhileration, the fear. I don’t know why but I have to do this. I’m sure I’ll have this explained to me in the future but I need to beat the fear.

Okay, real quick before i forget. So if i can remember correctly. Me and a friend of mine were film writers and we had just produced and finished our first movie together which was of course like an indie film or something of that high income level. This being a big deal of course we decide to celebrate with friends and our mutual friend decides to cook this big ole fancy dinner with lots of slow motions and caresses and seducing music in the background of the dream while he cooks. While he’s doing that me and my friend watch porn, two of the selections having two of the three mean girls in it. Amanda seyfried or whatever and that other girl but not gretchen, the leader. During the watching of the porn we get into a big fight right when guests arrive and yeah i end up running home and climbing into my parents attic. Which is weird yeah. For some reason my mom has like a death warrant out for anyone who goes up there but i force my way up there anyway. I think because my dad is chasing me for something. I dont know. But there are like pillows on top of the trap door to the attic (no pull down stair well or anything). So getting up there was hard. I remember being panicked to get up there, like when you’re being chased and the only part of you that’s sticking out are like your feet. So when i get up there its like dusty, and old but i feel like someone once lived there or is still living there. Creepy, like a ghost or a monster is in the attic with me. There’s like a revolving fan in the middle of the room and a chair in front of a mirror, several old mattresses stacked and of course the dusty pillows and comforters at the foot of the beds blocking the trap door kinda. I remember there being a lot more fans so like, dust wont settle? I dunno… all i remember is being uncomfortable up there. Like something was going to pop out at any second. So i climb out the window of the attic and there’s like a toaster or something on top of our roof. Then i pull some James Bond shit and just leap off the roof and do a roll just as i hear my mom screaming for my head. I try to sneak back into the house but she spots me and charges. I end up being yelled at and for some reason i turn into Morpheus. Like the actor and everything. And i realize im topless and my mom can totally see my tattoo. But I’m Morpheus, so of course i have tattoos. I have more across my body but i specifically remember my back like an Incan Eagle thing. Anywhosie i climb into a silk bathrobe and my mom is sorry she yelled shes just stressed out over all the chinese food she has to prepare for the entire family to sneak into me and my friends movie premiere. Which im totally supposed to be at right now. So i rush over to the movie theatre and hes still upset and we end up arguing in front of strangers, him yelling that no one wants to see the movie anyway and spend 9 bucks. Strangers turn around and tell him they were 20, my friend seems impressed. And thats when she walks in. All of the sudden we just stop arguing and like a good feeling just starts to envelope the dream. I think Rihanna starts playing in the background of the dream and she spots us and all we can do is stare dumbstruck. She smiles at us and spins into the next room letting her hair spin, cute but sexily. Shes wearing a red black corset with i think a sweater over and skinny jeans and those suede saggy boots. Mmmm :) anyway i ask my friend if we can continue this later and he instantly agrees both of us still staring and i go chase after her. I catch up to her and we begin to talk… and bam dream over. thats all i can remember :) weird right?